he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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