So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
