I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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