Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
