If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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