btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
