My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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