he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize