yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
