This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
