I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
