Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
