wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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