Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
