The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
