Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
