i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
