Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
