just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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