He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
