I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
