he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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