i barfeds in our rink
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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