dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
