he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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