I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
