they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
