Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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