I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
