we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
soo... how was my night?
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