just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
