if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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