whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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