i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
