Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
