Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize