mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
