That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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