My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
