so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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