I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
