I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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