You're my little dorito
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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