i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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