i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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