But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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