He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Someone signed my nipple.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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