Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
