goodnight i made you a song goodbye
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A bitchslap is in order.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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