I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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