somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
