dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
