i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
