Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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