eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
