where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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