Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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