TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
