Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
