I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish they made helmets for livers.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
