I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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