I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize