she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
