Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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