Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
