I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
