So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
be right there i have to get my cape
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
