I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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