Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
