Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
