What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
