If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
