Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
