They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
