i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
