Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you would pick up someone in the library
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
