Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
