I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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