he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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