Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
