I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
