we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He passed out mid-signature
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
