He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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