Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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