someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am mentally ready for anal.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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