Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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