The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the condom got lost in my hair
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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