I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
