So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
