Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just invented taco cereal.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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