Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
