I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
